Discipleship Update: 20May09

† Discipleship Update: 20May09 †

Over the last few days I have started seeing some very subtle things. I have been back in Tennessee for about a week and a half, and I feel like I have been going through THE most intense battle I have ever experienced. The level of temptation, and assault I have been bombarded with is unlike anything I ever thought possible. But it has all been so subtle, so quiet. And then, two days ago I started seeing an almost unnoticeable shift. The assault stopped being an assault, and started being an uncovering. Suddenly, I went from being attacked by the enemy, to being exposed to my inner heart by our Father.

I thought I had dealt with these things many years ago. I thought I mastered these emotions, I thought they were not just under control, but that they were beaten. What I found though, was that I had only repressed those things years ago and never truly gained true freedom. I thought freedom was simply that I didn’t listen or bend to those voices anymore. But I had a false sense of freedom that I now understand was not freedom at all. I have been afraid of freedom. True freedom. It scares me. I have never seen it in my life. And you only get a limited perspective when you see someone else walking in complete freedom. While I was in Montana, I had mentioned to Tony that I have never been good at ‘reflection’. I have never known how to search my own heart and take a ‘clear’ look at just what it is I have been hiding and covering up. Now it seems that reflecting is all I have been doing the last few weeks. (though I am still not good at it yet). Why did the assault shift from being tempted? Because God wants to expose these things to me so that I can gain freedom. Not a repressed temporary victory won because I disciplined myself enough to bury those things deep, but a real lasting complete freedom!

I didn’t realize that it was God bringing these things to the surface because I always misinterpreted the verse in the Bible that says god does not tempt us. I viewed bringing those things to the surface AS temptation, thus I rejected that it was God uncovering those things, thus never really allowing Him to deal with them. And because of this, I never saw God from this perspective. Because I never saw God from this perspective, I limited myself to seeing Him only in certain regards. And because of this I limited His guidance in my life.

I finished reading “The Final Quest” by Rick Joyner and began reading the second book called “The Call”. This book picks up where the previous one ended and explores (in vivid fashion) how our view of God determines our closeness to God. Every night I have read alittle more. And every night, I have had vivid dreams and visions that feel somewhat like surgery upon my heart.

I never truly wanted to dig deep in my own soul, because I NEVER wanted to see just how wretched I am!


Many of you (my friends) have asked me about my discipleship and just what it is I have submitted myself to. Some of you have already questioned why I have allowed myself to be placed in a position where no detail of my life is hidden. I understand that this seems extreme. I understand that this is not something you seem everyday, (if at all), so I want to take some time and better explain why I have chosen this course.

I have become (through MUCH practice) a master at hiding myself from God and others, (including me!). The least taught on principle in the Bible (even less taught than tithing) is the principle of discipleship. We have this belief that discipleship is simply sitting under a pastor every Sunday morning and/or Wednesday night. Discipleship is simply being taught by another in the faith. The reason we do not see many signs and wonders today, is because to few people ever allow themselves to be truly discipled, thus never REALLY begin walking in authority.

Discipleship has nothing to do with college, nothing to do with seminary, and nothing to do with church. Discipleship has NOTHING to do with anything you think you may know. We all think that discipleship entails simply ‘learning from a teacher’. But to what extent?

♦Jesus was discipled for 30 years before walking in power. (do you really think He couldn’t have gone STRAIGHT to the cross?)
♦Jesus discipled the 12 for three years, before they were appointed apostles.
♦Elijah was discipled by God at Cherith and Zaraphath.
♦Elisha was discipled by Elijah.
♦Timothy was discipled by Paul.
♦Moses was discipled by the desert for forty years.
♦Joshua was discipled by Moses.
♦David was discipled by the wilderness.

Let me ask you this. Do you think the only time the disciples had a heart check was when Peter opened his mouth as recorded in the New Testament? They (lived) with Jesus. For three years. NOTHING was hidden. Discipleship has nothing to do with sitting under a pastor once or twice a week… discipleship is LIFE. It covers ALL areas of life.

I have spent far to many years saying I am a Christian, and not enough years truly admitting I am a disciple. I have brushed over the foundation in order to get to the ‘appearance’ of spirituality. I have long boasted I am a child of His, and muted myself when it came to the topic of self-denial. I have always talked abut how God can use the gifts He has given me, and failed (yes FAILED) to admit that they all belong to Him anyway. Ohhh I talk the talk. I can debate with the best of them. I can speak, preach, and teach about the Bible, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and any other topic covered in the Bible.

But all that would be for nothing… because it would lack POWER. It would lack power because I lack the authority. I lack the authority because I have not learned obedience. I have never learned obedience because I have DENIED discipleship! Remember, the Bible says Christ LEARNED obedience by the things He suffered!

I need to bring this back to me, because I am not equipped yet to teach on this.

I am submitting myself under a ministry because God has made it VERY clear, that so-so and good enough are KILLING me! Lukewarm is destroying my spirit. Half in half out is keeping me from the very thing that God is calling me to.

Radical Closeness! A walk of authority. The death of my flesh and the denial of self.

What does this season of discipleship cover in my life? Well, let’s see. It covers: Health, Finances, Thoughts, Plans, Motives, Fears, Failures, shortcomings, obedience, vocation, ministry, family, friends, relationships, dating, marriage, and just about anything else you can think of.

This is not some college dorm where I take a few classes and have my own life on the side…. This is Boot Camp!

Why would I agree to this?

Because I am tired of seeing Christianity be limited because we are to afraid of radical closeness. I have no use for seeking a career (in the world or even in “ministry”). Even the term “Christian” as we use it today is beginning to make me nauseas.

Do you know what will reach this post-modern generation? It isn’t truth. Hate to break it to you. Truth will not affect them like it did even 20 years ago. Post-modern thinking says there is not absolute truth. So you can preach until you are blue in the face and they will look at you and say “that’s might be true to you.”

BUT, I guarantee, if you heal the sick, cast out demons, cause the blind to see, prophesy, raise the dead, and have the SIGNS accompany the MESSAGE in POWER, people are going to ask questions! How do you get the power? By gaining the authority. How do you get the authority? By walking in obedience. You learn obedience by the things you suffer. And it ALL starts with REAL BIBLICAL discipleship!