Relationship Manifesto

Relationship Manifesto

The following is my confession and declaration of intent concerning the area of my life that deals with that one relationship which I dream of one day having. Manifesto meaning : a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer. But a manifesto is not just a declaration. It is a statement of intent to make manifest the beliefs that are conveyed. For what more worthless thing is there, than to express heartfelt desires and intent, yet do nothing to bring them about?

It has been many years since I began the search for my mate, my heart, my other half, my better half. Through these years, I have learned hard lessons, both about the world, and about the depths of my soul and heart. I wish I could say that these lessons were learned easily, and that I never made the same mistake twice. Sadly this is not the case. Almost everyone, if they are honest with themselves and each other, will admit that they have baggage that clings to them from their past. Most of my baggage came from one single lie that I believed. But I am getting ahead of myself.

Here is the bottom line as it stands right now. I refuse to believe that lie any longer! And this is the first step. For as long as you hold onto and believe the lie that has been spoken over your life, you will never gain freedom. I stand upon the promises of our Heavenly Father, spoken through the Holy Spirit, spoken over my life by various Apostles and Prophets of the Lord, along with the underlying foundation that was conveyed to my heart by the Holy Spirit. I take this stand daily, for the Word of the Lord will not pass away (Luke 21:33), but neither will it arrive if we falter or disobey (Psalm 109:15, 1 Timothy 1:18), or if we simply do not pray (Matthew 6:10), or if we simply treat it as if it is automatic (Galatians 6:9)

What does this mean? In layman’s terms, it means no more sitting on the sidelines. No more watching the game from a distance. No more observing others waging war, while I remain in hidden safety. There is an authority that Christ gave to us through the cross, but if we treat that authority as if it were nothing, then it will be nothing, and if it is nothing, then it is not in keeping with the purposes God made available through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. This in essence, is the denial of our role and our rule upon this fallen world. And if we do not rule, the enemy will.

That being stated, allow me to advance into the specifics of the lie that I personally believed and how it affected both my behavior, and my spiritual well-being.

From the time even before I became a Christian when I was 18 years old, I have inwardly longed for and searched for true love. That human connection from which I could share experiences with. That one person who would love me for who I am, no matter how much garbage they saw in the inward parts of me. That one person I could trust completely with my heart, that one person who would entrust their whole heart to me. I just never knew how to vocalize that desire before I knew Christ, my Savior. Almost immediately after I got saved, I began looking for a family. My family, a wife, children. This desire became so overwhelming that it soon was out of balance, and though I didn’t know it at the time, I was giving the wrong impressions to sisters in Christ, because I secretly (even unknown to me) looked at each one of them as if to question God “Is she the one?” I was polite, I was courteous, I was mannerly. But I didn’t realize just how flawed I was until I began to truly come under authority and those issues started getting exposed, and washed clean. It was then that I began to understand that others were seeing me in a way that I would NEVER have wanted. Sisters in Christ would avoid me, not because I was rude, but because I didn’t respect personal space. I brushed it off saying I was just friendly, but in reality I was intrusive. I would claim there was a solid friendship there, but in reality there was a clingingness because I would assume that anything other than a very casual interaction was somehow an advance which I deemed (in my own flawed wisdom) to be a sign to pursue more than just friendship. This behavior was evident to those persons of discernment, yet I wasn’t ready to hear that I was flawed, that I was immature, that I was in error!

Then came the lie. As subtly as the sunset, I began to ponder. When I was 19 years old, (just one year into my Christian walk) I was willingly exposed to pornography. And that one magazine would falsely convince me that intimacy could be achieved without covenant. I didn’t realize it at the time. All I knew, was I had an outlet to express my perverted sense of love. Soon, I began to realize that this false intimacy, was destroying my spirit, yet still I went back to it. I tried everything. I unveiled it to fellow men that I trusted. I prayed. I fasted. I sought council. I begged. I longed for freedom. Each year became a cycle of strong times and weak times. Each thought of freedom brought about a short period of time where I didn’t struggle, only to be toyed with as a cat would play with a mouse, giving just a glimpse of freedom before snatching it away and beginning another cycle of shame, condemnation, sorrow, and regret. Each sliver of hope for a lasting relief from this affliction became a hollowed reminder that I was shackled, bound, and tied. Tied to this sin that drove me insane from grief, from shame. Brought to tears each time I fell, each time I succumbed to the lie that was being hurled at me. Years I lived like this. Many years I survived like this. Always feeling like I was handicapped from true honorable service to my Savior. Any attempt to walk in the smallest portion of authority was met with the rug being pulled from under my feet. For how could I walk in authority, when I myself enslaved?

I survived. Nothing more. No… much less than that as a matter of fact. For the longer this went on, the more the lie became rooted in my heart and in my soul.

What was the lie? What was the thing I believed over the Word of God spoken over my life, over the hearts desires I KNEW came from the throne of God? That I would never have a wife. Never have a child. Never experience the kind of intimacy that the Lord made me for. Never know what it would be like to be one flesh with another person. Because I bought into this lie, I compromised what I thought was an unobtainable true intimacy, for a temporary shadow that I believed would fulfill in some way my need to have intimacy, even in a distorted sense.

But no longer! Now I am rooted with complete freedom in the Lord, with that lie exposed and broken off of my life, thanks to the Love and Truth of God! Thanks to the Savior, I now stand knowing and fully convinced that I will be a husband, I will be a father, I will be a lover! And this brings me to the purpose of this declaration. Over the last few weeks God has been revealing to me, in various ways, what true love is. True love is freedom! Freedom to love unhindered from the baggage and sin that would seek to enslave us and keep us bound. Remember, it was for freedom that Christ set us free! Free so that we could choose and love, Him! And as I sit here, looking to the promises that the future holds, I am overwhelmed by the grace and love of the Father, as He once again begins to show me, and to point me in the direction of maturity, purpose, authority, and her!


For EVERY good thing given, and every perfect gift is from above (James 1:17). And as such, much like the other promises of God in our lives, we MUST fight for them! The following is my manifesto:

---I will no longer search for a mate. Now I long for maturity which will lead to the inheritance.

---No longer will I allow mediocrity and compromise to rule my heart. Nor will I allow it in my relationship with my wife. I will cut it off here, so that it will not raise its ugly head then.

---Because I am no longer searching, I no longer have the pressure of asking “Is she, is she, is she?” Now I am free to build truly God-honoring relationships with sisters in Christ, in an appropriate and pure structure.

---I will not settle for a woman, I now demand THE woman whom God formed me to be with. Even if this takes another 32 years, I will, with the help of the grace of God, wait. And wait faithfully!

---With God’s help, I will no longer judge according to what I perceive to be potential, but rather how God sees them then, at that time.

---Though I know that God has promised this for my life, I will drive on to maturity, knowing that there is still much in me, that needs to be crucified, that needs to repented for, that needs to be broken off. And because I already feel this love growing in my heart for my wife, I do not want her to have to deal with my baggage and past mindsets when we meet. With the Father’s help, I will become the man that she deserves, even before we ever meet.

---I will guard my heart, and my eyes, knowing that just because I now have freedom, I am not to take the attitude that I will never deal with it again. Pride comes before a fall, and so, I will stay alert, knowing that the enemy would love to entrap me, in the very thing that bound me for so many years, and that I now have freedom in.

---I was made to love, and I was made for love. May God burn this into my heart.

---I will make a covenant to pray for my wife even now. For if I already am building love in my heart for her, then I should also, pray for her. Even now.

---May the Lord teach me even now, what a wise man once said concerning marriage. “Love her, more than you love you.”

---Lately the Lord has been bringing me back to Matthew 5:3, “Blessed be the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” May God always remind me of my true spiritual state before His Holy Throne.

---Song 8:6 says, “put me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal on your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy fierce as the grave, its flashes are flashes of fire, the very Flame of the Lord.” I pray for a greater understanding and revelation of this passage in my heart, and in my spirit.

---I commit to listening to, and weighing heavily Godly council in my life, knowing that they watch over my spiritual well-being, for my good, and NOT for my harm.

---I commit to writing to my wife. And though I know not her name right now, I love her still. May the Lord give me words that will express my heart to her, and may God watch over her as I patiently await His blessing! For He who finds a wife finds a GOOD thing!


This is my manifesto