Today, I went to work (had the day off but I filled in for another server), and I began praying on the way to the Restaurant. I caught myself though right before I was about to pray the common request I have when going to work for tips, "Lord, please bless my finances." Right before I said this, I caught myself. Lately God has been completely remodeling my heart into something I do not think I have ever experienced before. So I was kinda taken aback when I stopped praying so abruptly. But when I thought about it, I had this sense that God didn't really want to hear about the financial need today. I got to thinking about His presence, and said something before really even thinking it through, "Lord, I know You are my provision, so forget what I said about needing finances, and Lord, if I make no money at all tonight, that will be okay, just give me Your presence!"
How long has God been waiting for me to get to this place? Forget the money, forget the finances, forget the "needs", I just want You Lord! I had this deep knowing that what I asked was pleasing to Him.
I wish I could say I was a s pleasing the rest of the day.
I got to work, and little did I realize how much I was in for when I prayed that simple prayer! Normally I would get a 4-5 table section, and would (as long as we were busy) make decent money. When I got there, I was given a 3 table section, and halfway through the shift was told that I was not allowed to have more than 2 tables at a time. Then, to add insult to injury I (due to a reservation that never showed) only had 1 table for more than an hour!
My manager (who is new to being a manager) never even gave me the courtesy of saying why this thing had been done. And by this point I was getting UPSET! I tried and tried and tried to stay in prayer about this, I tried to give all this frustration to God and then I realized something.
I was getting upset and allowing my lack of financial support to undermine my focusing on God's presence.!!! I went to God in prayer and quickly asked Him to purify my heart, that I brought to Him a repentant heart, and that I simply wanted Him more than this job (I DO love my job).
When I asked God for his Presence and asked Him to relieve me of this burden that the job was bringing to me, He quickly did. I felt His peace, I felt His Presence, and the lack of "strife"
I thought I had it made.
But it seemed like every time I turned around, I was walking back in the flesh and abandoning the Spirit. Every other thought out of my mind was about how unfair the manager was being, how bad a manager she was, how she didn't know what she was doing... and I tried to catch myself from being critical!
In the end, I found myself walking more in the flesh, and less in the Spirit. And this hurts. The very thing I wanted, I walked away from after I so desperately asked for it. Lord, just to be in Your Presence.... that is ALL I care about! (until something goes wrong and I feel I am being wronged....) Lord, this one thing I ask, that I may dwell in Your Presence.... (until it becomes tough and I get offended) Lord, I don't care if I get nothing else done today, I just want You!...(until my flesh rises up and I get defensive)...
Lord forgive me. I KNEW what was happening to me today at work, and yet I still allowed it to dictate my response rather than pressing in to You!
We get so bogged down in what we think is important! We get tied down to those things we think we HAVE to worry about... We forget that Jesus said, "do not worry about your provision, the Father KNOWS what you need..." Luke 12:29-31 // Matthew 6:7-8 // Matthew 6:31-33
We have conditioned ourselves to look to our needs, and to ask the Father to meet them... but is that biblical? Have we missed the point? The point was to keep out eyes on the Father, and on His Presence.... Jesus didn't say "don't obsess over your needs, just take them to the Father" He said "Do not WORRY about them, do not concern yourself with them, do not seek them.
Lord, with Your help, I am going to stop looking to my needs, and focus solely on You! But as tonight proved, I am not there yet. I just want Your Presence Lord! more than the air I breathe, I want You! More than a job, provision, a roof over my head and food on the table, I simply desire You Lord!
I was listening to a song from Misty Edwards (I currently have it loaded on my blogsite), and I am simply in awe at this sister in Christ. To listen to her music is to become aware of a DEEP INTIMATE love affair that she has with her God. Very rarely do I come into contact with people who completely intimidate me when it comes to their closeness with God, but she does.
She sings of God in such a romantic and passionate way! I don't mean the "get flowers for the girl" type of romance... I mean the intensely personal "going to blush 13 shades of pink" romance... the romance that makes you weak in the knees and faint of heart... the romance that isnt intended for those outside the marriage covenant!
And such a romance has brought her to have a knowledge of God that I honestly haven't seen since reading A. W. Tozer. You literally have to search for information on this woman. She is being used by God to lead worship for a generation, yet, more than wanting to go "on tour", she is quite content to go back to IHOP to sing and praise God.
and as I pondered her anointing, it struck me.... she isn't more anointed than anyone else.... the only thing that has set her apart, is that she has paid the price for the depth of intimacy she has with God! For her, there is NOTHING more important than her Creator.
This is the kind of relationship I want to have with God! When I listen to her music, it isn't just that I feel God's Presence.... when I listen to her music, I am brought to a place where I intensely desire to LOVE God in such a deep and romantic way! I don't just feel His presence, I DESIRE His Presence! But she does... she completely intimidates me! I don't mind telling you! But it is not a "intimidation that shuts down goals".... it is an intimidation that causes me to DESIRE that kind of radical closeness....
Lord, I am all in! I am all Yours! I hold nothing back!
A- MEN! With a capital A!
ReplyDeleteAbout your so-called (failure) which I wouldn't call that, I have experienced the same thing in the past 2 days. I want to be in Gods presence all the time, but when something even the slightest bit distracts me, it takes about ten minutes to realize that I'm losing my focus for God. It happened today, I made my dad dinner so when he got home he wouldn't have to cook. Cleaned the kitchen, and the whole 9 yards. You know what he did? He took his plate after he ate, left the table and then proceeded to yell at me because I left the wood cutting board in the sink with water. My bad, I know. But I thought, dad all I am trying to do is be in your presence, why must you leave right after you ate? Why can't we sit down and chat how our day went? Then it hit me- I've been doing just that to him for years.
Gosh, how many times we go to God for help financially, or because we are broken and defeated... but you know what.. God will pick you up and like you said, start where you left off.
Now in Gods place, I can't IMAGINE how much of that I put him through on a daily basis.. "YES God, I want all of you, here is all of me. I desire your presence, Oh Lord... but wait...I need to do this.. I need to do that." I find myself getting distracted by things that feed my anger (even just a little) pull me away from that presence of God.
I must say Misty Edwards is a truly anointed woman, but it's not that she is better than anyone else...its that she hasn't become obsessed with the fame or the riches or any of that... She has completely and utterly poured out her guts, sang Gods word until she knows Gods presence is there. That is amazing, to really give it all, ALL to God.
Let me say that again.... To give it all to God, is truly amazing.
To lay down your life without worrying what tomorrow will be like at work, or if you'll be late on rent, or if your car is even going to start. The worries of this world are not to be obsessed over.
-jolinda
Well, you'd wonder how people like Abraham,Enoch, David, Moses, Paul, Peter etc, how they did it? How was it possible for them to retain or rather host the presence of God so "effortlessly"(or so we think).
ReplyDeletePeople of God, these guys didn't get it overnight, or at a go, they learnt to get it right from mistakes they made. Just like Jesus; "He learnt obedience from suffering". Adversity is the soil that grows faith, intimacy, trust. think about that for a moment, Do you think that God does not know that we are feeble but He allows us to "fail/stumble" so that He can display His strength in us(His strength is made perfect when we are weak)He does not allow fail so as to punish us but like the bible describes a righteous man thus; the man that falls seven times and rises up each time.
God has not called us to be successful(lest we burden ourselves with unnecessary expectations) if you know what I mean, He called us to be faithful, remember, it's about Him not us. He is willing to work in us but we must be willing to allow Him to work in us His perfect will.
This is a clarion call to surrender our all on the altar.
The question I ask is, have you learnt from your "failure"? Your Father in heaven expects you to run back to Him. . .
Misty is just WOW!! She is a sign and an encouragement that you and I can enter into the heart of God. She's a confirmation that intimacy with the most high God is sooooo possible. May we be challenged to get into the fullness of God.
Finally, the bible says, "in quiet trust, we will know His power". My brother be patient with yourself, you will certainly get there
Your God is FAITHFUL!!!!!!
pastorjae
Loved it! Thanks for posting :)
ReplyDeleteI liked this post Robert, very good. It helped remind me of Jesus loves and how He longs for us.
ReplyDeleteWas just doing what I was told to do. :)
ReplyDeleteBrittany... it really had nothing to do with you... I hope you didnt think I was upset with you... as I tried to state.... this was MY failure... I understand you were just doing what you were told...
ReplyDelete